Hello all. I've been on the site for a while, and posted a few times, but haven't properly introduced myself. I'm 43, and live in London, UK. I'm straight-ish, with a long-term female partner, and two children. But I also love cock, and have done since I was pretty young. My partner knows about my desires. She's always encouraged me to be open about them, and though we don't talk about the details, she is happy for me to see other men discreetly and safely.
I've always enjoyed giving men pleasure, and love worshipping cock. I was dimly aware of this from a very young age. My first experience proper was as a teenager. I'd read graffiti about a boy I knew in one of the cubicles of a public toilet, saying that he liked to suck men off, and started visiting the toilet at every opportunity, nervously hoping to see the men who'd written the graffiti. There were a pair of them, as it turned out, and they were quite often in together, pretending to be using the urinals when I entered, but always glancing at me together. I must've gone in and seen them about four or five times when, one day, one of them looked at me with intent, and turned to face me, stroking his hard cock. I went into a cubicle, too nervous to be able to do anything, and hurried out after about two minutes. I was too flustered to see whether they were still there. I went in again a couple of days later, determined to let things unfold. The two men were there again, and glanced at each other when they saw it was me coming in. I think I even smiled slightly, though my heart was in my mouth. I went in to a cubicle, but left the door open. The man who had stroked his cock before followed me in, stroking his cock, and asking, is this what you're looking for? I was too nervous to speak, but nodded. He took my hand, and guided it onto his cock. It was the first time I had touched another man's cock, and it felt incredible. I can remember to this day how hot and hard it felt.
I didn't go back to the urinals after that. I felt an overpowering sense of shame, I guess -- something that I'd fight against for a long time afterwards. For some reason, though, men would often make passes at me: late at night, on my way home, men would sometimes stop me in the street, aggressively asking me if I was a fag, and needing cock. Maybe this is a common experience for young men, but I couldn't help but think they'd sensed something about me, something that I was, at the time, trying to deny. Though I'm straight-acting, and fairly masculine, certain men seemed to just know I want cock. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I finally acted on it again. That's a story for another day, but the long and the short of it is that I came to understand that my attraction to cock was an important part of me, and not something to deny. I've come to embrace the fact that I love pleasuring men, particularly those who get off on knowing that I do.
Anyway, I'm very grateful for resources like this site. There are aspects that I'm not entirely on board with -- for example, the fag/alpha dynamic isn't for me -- but one of the wonderful things about the internet is the way it enables us to get in touch with likeminded people, and better appreciate that we're not alone, and, however normal our desires are or aren't, they're something to celebrate.